so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
