I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
