Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
