One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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