My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
