Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
