In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
