i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
