If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
