The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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