i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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