I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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