dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
