people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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