I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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