yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
