I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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