Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
