Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
