There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
