Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
