thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
