if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
