$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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