I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
