Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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