A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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