new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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