absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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