All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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