i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
