We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
