I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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