she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
