I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
