first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
