he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
