Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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