grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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