you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
