dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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