My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
