sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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