i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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