I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
