what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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