Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
