my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
