i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
