I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
