Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
