ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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