she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
