Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
