Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
