SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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